'Twas the fright before Christmas, and all through the crypt, not a creature was stirring, 'cept those being whipped.
Corpses were hung by their lips and their hair, in hopes that they'd give old Santa a scare.
The ghoules were nestled all snug in their beds while grave worms and maggets danced in their heads.
I slept in my coffin, wearing my shroud, dead to the world and snoring aloud. When out in the graveyard there rose such a shriek, I ran to the window and copped me a peak, and there on the lawn was a sight for sore eyes. Santa Clause caught in my Christmas surprise. A pool full of quick sand disguised snowy white. Soon dear old Santa would sink out of sight. His reindeer were straining to pull fatso free, and he urged them all as I chuckled with glee "Pull Dasher pull Dancer pull Prancer and Donner. If you don't pull me out, old Santa's a goner!" What strains they might they were just out of luck, when the Crypt Keeper sticks 'em, they tend to stay stuck. But then something happened would never believe, that little fat man had a trick up his sleeve, he reached in his pack and he called out to me, "Come closer I've got a few things you should see" and then though he'd sunk clear up to his chest, he pulls out these gifts, gifts for me no less!
"Here you go Crypt Keeper this gifts for you, a dead rotting ghoulfriend all oozing with goo, and a jack in the coffin for hours of delight, just open the lid and a stiff pops in sight, and here is a teddy bear all of your own, it's flesh has decayed and it's nothing but bone, and last but not least a box that's just right for storing your bulging old eyeballs at night, but I'm sinking fast, no time to palaver, Merry Christmas to you, you stinking cadaver!"
But I have to admit, that my ticker was touched, Christmas is one thing but this was too much! Something stirred in my heart, maybe once maybe twice, it felt really weird but it also felt nice. And then heaven help me I ran to that slop, gave chubbo a pull, out he came with a pop. "Thank you" he says, "for what you just did, you saved Merry Christmas for many a kid. You may be disgusting and falling apart, but there's something still good in that slimy old heart." Then he jumped on his slay, to his team gave a yell, and off they all flew like a bat out of hell.
As I waved I discovered a problem I've got, now I was in quick sand and Santa was not. Struggling was useless for this creepy dude, yet I was still happy, in a real Christmas mood, and that is why I said as I sank out of sight, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good ~*gurgle gurgle gurgle*~
The Crypt Keeper
Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Deck The Halls With Parts Of Charlie
Deck the halls with parts of Charlie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Make the Yule time gross and gnarly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Stockings stuffed with ears and fingers
Fa la la la la la la la la
Chopped from all those caroling singers
Fa la la la la la la la la
Drape the hearth with chunks of Barnie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bits of Bruce and hunks of Arnie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hang the crypt with spleens and kidneys
Fa la la la la la la la la
Use Ramone's and then use Sidney's
Fa la la la la la la la la
Raise the tree and bring the ladder
Fa la la la la la la la la
Top it off with Gills gall bladder
Fa la la la la la la la la
Grinning skulls in festive poses
Fa la la la la la la la la
Strings of toes and nipped off noses
Fa la la la la la la la la
Who needs mistletoe and holly?
Fa la la la la la la la la
When we can just dismember Wally
Fa la la la la la la la la
Have the whole place decorated
Fa la la la la la la la la
With the parts we've amputated
Fa la la la la la la la la
(Maniacal laughter)
Fa la la la la la la la la
Make the Yule time gross and gnarly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Stockings stuffed with ears and fingers
Fa la la la la la la la la
Chopped from all those caroling singers
Fa la la la la la la la la
Drape the hearth with chunks of Barnie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bits of Bruce and hunks of Arnie
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hang the crypt with spleens and kidneys
Fa la la la la la la la la
Use Ramone's and then use Sidney's
Fa la la la la la la la la
Raise the tree and bring the ladder
Fa la la la la la la la la
Top it off with Gills gall bladder
Fa la la la la la la la la
Grinning skulls in festive poses
Fa la la la la la la la la
Strings of toes and nipped off noses
Fa la la la la la la la la
Who needs mistletoe and holly?
Fa la la la la la la la la
When we can just dismember Wally
Fa la la la la la la la la
Have the whole place decorated
Fa la la la la la la la la
With the parts we've amputated
Fa la la la la la la la la
(Maniacal laughter)
Sincerely,
The Crypt Keeper
Sunday, December 19, 2010
There's No Place Like Home Except Grandma's.......
Oh that smell? It's nothing. I have rats that eat poison and the they go under the floor boards and die. Oh yeah and the sewers all all back up. Oh and it could be the fertilizer that is out back in the garden. These are the excuses that came from Dorothea Puente when her neighbors would ask what the hell that smell was.
It was in a hot summer in Sacramento, and most people would not even turn on their air conditioners because they didn't want the fans to suck in the smell of death that came from the pale blue Victorian at 1426 F Street. The Victorian house that Ms. Dorothea Puente lived and ran her boarding house.
Ms. Dorothea was a pathological liar since she was little. On January 9, 1929, Dorothea Helen Gray was born in Redlands California. She claimed to be the last of the 18 children that were born to her Mother, but in fact she was the sixth child.
Dorothea married her first husband Fred McFaul, a 22-year-old solider back from the war in the Philippines, at age 16, though she told him she was 30. They had two children together. Fred found out what a liar Dorothea was and left her. One of their children went to live with Fred's Mother, the other adopted by strangers.
Dorothea had to make sure that she looked good. When Fred first met her, she was a prostitute, and that was a hard habit to break for Dorothea because it paid very well. She knew what she had and she knew how to use it.
She eventually wound up living and managing the boarding house. She was convicted and given probation for forging 34 checks she stole from her tenants. The psychiatrist stated that she was a very disturbed woman.
A detective showed up at the Victorian boarding house looking for a man that was reported missing by his social worker. When he entered, it was decorated just as a little old lady's house would be decorated. Knick Knacks found in every room, porceline dolls, vases and Christmas lights were strung on the fence. The windows were dressed with laced curtains. Nothing out of the ordinary was noticed inside, however, it was a different story in the back yard. Remember that fertilizer she claimed was fish? Yeah not so much. It was seven tenants that checked in, however, they did not check out, well alive any way.
When they were digging in the back yard, Dorothea asked if she was under arrest. After she was told no, she advised to the Detective that she was going to the hotel down the street for some coffee. She never came back, in fact, when they noticed her missing, she had fled to Los Angeles. She met a man at a bar in Los Angeles, and she tried to move in with him the same night she met him. He disagreed, and they planned to meet up the next day. That's when the light bulb went "Ding!" I have seen this chick before, and called his local TV station, and then they called the cops. Cops showed up and arrested her.
The first murder for Dorothea was Ruth Monroe, in 1982, a business partner in a lunchroom business. Monroe died of a massive drug overdose of Tylenol and codeine. She was written off as a suicide due to the lack of evidence at the time to think murder. This was the only murder that had a cause of death. The seven bodies found in the garden were too decomposed to determine a cause of death, however, all the remains had a trace of Dalmane, a prescribed sleeping pill, in them. There was also a fiance that she killed, Everson Gillmouth. She then put him in a home-made coffin, wrapped in plastic wrap and covered in moth balls. She then sent him down the Sacramento river.
Dorothea was charged on March 31, 1989, with nine counts of murder, pleading not guilty to all counts stating that the people died of natural causes. The trial didn't start until February, 1993, due to tall the evidence that needed to be gone through. She was only found guilty of three murders, and a mistrial was declared for the remaining six. She was sentenced, on December 10, 1993, at the age of 64, to prison for life without the possibility of parole. She is 81 currently, and is still residing in the Central California Women's Facility.
Most info found here.
~*Dorothea Puente*~
~*1426 F Street*~
Ms. Dorothea was a pathological liar since she was little. On January 9, 1929, Dorothea Helen Gray was born in Redlands California. She claimed to be the last of the 18 children that were born to her Mother, but in fact she was the sixth child.
Dorothea married her first husband Fred McFaul, a 22-year-old solider back from the war in the Philippines, at age 16, though she told him she was 30. They had two children together. Fred found out what a liar Dorothea was and left her. One of their children went to live with Fred's Mother, the other adopted by strangers.
Dorothea had to make sure that she looked good. When Fred first met her, she was a prostitute, and that was a hard habit to break for Dorothea because it paid very well. She knew what she had and she knew how to use it.
She eventually wound up living and managing the boarding house. She was convicted and given probation for forging 34 checks she stole from her tenants. The psychiatrist stated that she was a very disturbed woman.
A detective showed up at the Victorian boarding house looking for a man that was reported missing by his social worker. When he entered, it was decorated just as a little old lady's house would be decorated. Knick Knacks found in every room, porceline dolls, vases and Christmas lights were strung on the fence. The windows were dressed with laced curtains. Nothing out of the ordinary was noticed inside, however, it was a different story in the back yard. Remember that fertilizer she claimed was fish? Yeah not so much. It was seven tenants that checked in, however, they did not check out, well alive any way.
~*The garden before, during and after*~
~*Some body being taken away*~
When they were digging in the back yard, Dorothea asked if she was under arrest. After she was told no, she advised to the Detective that she was going to the hotel down the street for some coffee. She never came back, in fact, when they noticed her missing, she had fled to Los Angeles. She met a man at a bar in Los Angeles, and she tried to move in with him the same night she met him. He disagreed, and they planned to meet up the next day. That's when the light bulb went "Ding!" I have seen this chick before, and called his local TV station, and then they called the cops. Cops showed up and arrested her.
The first murder for Dorothea was Ruth Monroe, in 1982, a business partner in a lunchroom business. Monroe died of a massive drug overdose of Tylenol and codeine. She was written off as a suicide due to the lack of evidence at the time to think murder. This was the only murder that had a cause of death. The seven bodies found in the garden were too decomposed to determine a cause of death, however, all the remains had a trace of Dalmane, a prescribed sleeping pill, in them. There was also a fiance that she killed, Everson Gillmouth. She then put him in a home-made coffin, wrapped in plastic wrap and covered in moth balls. She then sent him down the Sacramento river.
~*Ruth Monroe*~
Alvaro "Bert" Montoya, 51, a mentally challenged schizophrenic, Dorothy Miller, 64, an American Indian with a drinking problem, Benjamin Fink, a 55-year-old alcoholic Betty Palmer, 78, whose remains - missing the head, hands and lower legs, Leona Carpenter, 78 *not pictured*, James Gallop, 62 & Vera Faye Martin, 64.
Dorothea was charged on March 31, 1989, with nine counts of murder, pleading not guilty to all counts stating that the people died of natural causes. The trial didn't start until February, 1993, due to tall the evidence that needed to be gone through. She was only found guilty of three murders, and a mistrial was declared for the remaining six. She was sentenced, on December 10, 1993, at the age of 64, to prison for life without the possibility of parole. She is 81 currently, and is still residing in the Central California Women's Facility.
Most info found here.
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